Here she goes again with another "Thirst Trap".

Because surely posting in your swimsuit on instagram is a cry for attention. I get called a "thirst trap" when I post on instagram quite often which is probably the funniest thing to me. Ironically it is from men and women. I think when women say I am thirst trapping I squint my eyes in confusion. It seems as if you can't be too confident with your body, but you also you can't be too insecure either or it's a turn off. I decided to own my shit, and do what I want when I want, because either way I was going to face scrutiny.

Let's back up. This picture is me on Cinco de Mayo/ Taco Tuesday 2020 and I was feeling so spicy, sexy, and so confident as a 30 year old woman (shocking I know). While I was reflecting on being inside during a pandemic and not being able to enjoy tacos by the pool with my friends, literally be outside, I decided to put on my swimsuit and enjoy where I was ANYWAY. This picture felt amazing because I was able to see all of my hard work paying off.

I used to be considered morbidly obese for my 4'11 frame. So just imagine me at 200lbs, with insecurities, body positivity issues, and certainly a dislike for pictures, especially mirror pics. I used to be so uncomfortable in my own skin. Like trying on clothes was a hit or miss thing, the material mattered, the style, etc all because I needed to look slim or it became a depressing day. Leggings with an oversized anything was my go to look. Let's add to that the culture of society and the image of beauty and weight. Men I didn't realize could be so vocal about my body, but yes I have been called fat, disgusting, fat ass, not let into nightclubs because I was too big, JUST SHAMED. I remember liking this guy who literally went out with me and went back to his friends and said "I thought she was smaller than that, yea I don't think I'm into her". Those words hurt of course, but the hurtful damage I was doing to myself by not loving my body was worse. I had at least lost 50lbs and was feeling better about myself, but for some time I had become obsessed with my body. If I didn't look perfect or fit, I didn't want to go out, I didn't want to see people. Then things changed.

What changed? Me! I literally threw away my scale, I had to tell myself that number did not matter anymore to me. I stopped dieting and started a life embarked on a healthy journey. Sometimes that includes indulging. I started doing research about health and wellness and the importance of it to me. I made myself love me exactly where I was and treat my body as the beauty temple it was. No matter what weight I loved me. Nobody could tell me who I was. From there life changed. People can have an opinion about you, but your opinion matters the most. Far too long I had given others the ability to let their opinion out way mine. I had to start defining what body positivity for me meant.

So many people use the phrase "body positivity"as it is simple a movement, but it aims to help people understand how popular media messages contribute to the relationship that people have with their bodies, including how they feel about food, exercise, clothing, health, identity, and self-care. By better understanding the effect that such influences have, the hope is that people can develop a healthier and more realistic relationship with their bodies.

It's the understanding that your worth and what's going on with you physically are two separate entities — that no matter what's happening inside, outside, or to your body, you're still just as worthwhile as the person next to you.

So when people call it a thirst trap own it baby- one life, one body, love all on it.